Can't Beat'em join'em!My Missus I never believed what people said
That me missus liked other blokes in her bed
So I'll tell you my story,
Each word it is true
Just in case it should happen to you
Came home from work
Early one night
Walked into my house
And had quite a fright
My missus was chained
From her toes to her head!
She saw me and fainted -
When recovered she said......
"Oh Harry, you gave me a terrible shock -
I was trying my lovely new chain-mail frock!!"
I chose to believe when I looked in her eyes
Just couldn't conceive that she'd ever tell lies
Then later that week
On returning from darts
I noticed my wife had the terrible farts
I asked her "Pour quoi?"
She replied as such -
"The eggs, they were off
And I ate far too much!!"
I thought nothing of it,
Settled down for a nap,
But was aroused from my slumber
By our squeaky cat-flap
I thought this quite odd
As our cat was long dead
Then through sleepy-hazed eyes
I could see this blokes head!
I jumped from my chair
And I pointed with blame
"This man is your lover,
Now tell me his name!"
She tried to stay calm
But her voiced dripped with fear
And she feebly offered.......
"It's the milkman my dear!"
I should have paid heed
To the words people said
Indeed it did seem
That she liked 'giving head'!
I confronted her thus,
In response she did say,
"But to you I can't do it -
I think that you're gay!"
I took a deep breath
Told her "Don't hit the roof,
But it seems now's the time
For the sharing of truth.........
Don't take it too hard,
But the truth of all this
Is the 'Mr' you married
Was at one time a 'Miss'!!"
Copyright Louise Nelhams.
Grans Demise What's the worst thing that could happen to you whilst waiting for a bus?
How about your leg exploding and covering you in pus?
Granted, it's quite unlikely but it happened to my gran,
Although she's a special case, she was formerly a man.
Dont let this incident deter you if you're on your way today
To have your bits and bobs fiddled with and turned the other way
I'm assured by those who know about these things it's quite unlikely
That your limbs will go bang and leave a mess that's most unsightly.
See, the trouble with my gran (or gramps, depending on your view)
Was a general view of life considered sane by just a few.
So when he or she decided fun could be had by changing gender
She did the op at home instead of acting like a bender.
Now gramps (as he was formerly) had no surgical expertise
And the tools he used were better employed for chopping trees
But still he thought a successful home op would make him famous
Maybe thats why he f**ked up and sewed his leg to his anus.
Copyright Dean Nelhams.
Saved the worst till last - TEXT ONLY, BUT NOT WORK SAFE
| Spoiler: |
| | Roses are straight,
Violets are twisted,
Bend over love,
You're about to get fisted.
Roses are crap,
Violets are wanky,
Oooh I've just come,
Pass me a hanky.
Roses are stupid,
Violets are silly,
Grease up your flaps,
Cos here comes my willy.
Roses are awful,
Violets are the pits,
Lift up your shirt,
And show us your tits.
Roses are crap,
Violets are shit,
Sit on my face,
And wiggle a bit.
Roses make me laugh,
Violets make me titter,
You're a dirty bitch,
And you love it up the shitter.
Roses are red,
But I like carnations,
You're so crap in bed,
That I fucked your alsations.
Roses are red,
Violets are finer,
Chickens are fowl,
Just like your vagina.
Roses are red,
It's elementary,
Let's ring up a friend,
And try double-entry.
Roses are shit,
Violets are crap,
Show me your clit,
And I'll cum in your lap. |
SHALL I CONTINUE??? 
Subject: Verses Please 
Fri Jan 29, 2010 1:49 pm
